Cru Jones Vs. Bill Allen : The worst dream interview ever

Growing up kids watched TMNT and afterwards would go raid their dad’s garage and paint there selves green and tie colored bandanas around their eyes and fight. I know I did at least. I also watched the movie Rad and afterwards create my own Rad Team and race on our bicycles until our lungs had the equivalent amount of air as a chain smoker.

Cru Jones is the lead character in the cult classic BMX movie Rad. He was my idol. At the age of 10 it was destined that my child would be named Cru regardless if the child had a penis or vagina. Meeting your heroes was a kid’s dream. Imagine meeting fucking Jean Claude Van Damn! or Bart Simpson. That would be amazing. I had the opportunity to interview Bill Allen (Cru Jones), the star of Rad. I thought to myself, this is going to be the most amazing interview ever! Wrong I was. This was the most disappointing interview that I’ve ever encountered. Bill
Allen isn’t Cru Jones. No one is. Cru is a fictional dream character that all BMXers from the 80’s dreamt of. He had the
Talent, the girl, the money, his own BMX company, and everything else had they created Rad 2. Perhaps it’d be called Too Rad! And Bill Allen…just an actor
in his 40’s.



J: Hands down it is a fact that Rad is BMXer's Rocky Horror Picture Show. Do you still get attention from the cult classic movie.
B: Quite a bit. I get more fan mail now from more places than ever.

J: The movie Rad was based on pro BMX rider Eddie Fiola. Even though he was in the movie playing your
"girl friend" as a stunt double do you feel that the movie would have been more or less of a success had
Eddie played himself instead of you?
B: No it wasn’t. He didn't double for my girlfriend and Eddie acting would have worked as about as well as if I'd done all the stunts.
(Yes it was ya dumb dick! From your website it reads “The character of "Cru" was loosely based on the life story of "The King" Eddie Fiola.” “Eddie Fiola stunt doubles for "Christian". Christian was Cru’s girlfriend. So quit the horse shit and answer my questions correctly.)

J: In the movie your character's real name is Christopher. What's the story behind the nickname Cru?
B: The writer got it from the original THE LONGEST YARD, with Burt Reynolds, I believe.

J: Your movie mom was Talia Shire which is the mother of Jason Schwartzman. Was he on the set a lot during
shoots?
B: He was there the whole shoot, probably about 8 years old at the time. We used to ride bikes on weekends together.

J: And Laurie Laughlin as well. By any chance was John Stamos aka Uncle Jesse there?
B: No, neither was the Olsen twins.

J: Was Hell Track an actual track or was it built in sections?
B: It was built as one piece.

J: After people watching this movie do you know of anyone recreating Hell Track?
B: I believe at a recent X Games there was a track dubbed Hell track.

J: Bart Taylor's arrogance got the best of him when he waited for you on the final lap. Had he not done
that you would have placed 2nd place and the movie would have had a different ending. Even though Bart pretty much gave that last lap to you do you still feel full victory?
B: I gave him a lead to make it more exiting
(You did not give him the lead. You did not fall off your bike on purpose and let everyone pass you up. Quit blowing
Smoke up your ass BILL!)

J: These riders in Hell Track are real BMXers racing. To my knowledge these are planned
"stunt" crashes. Were there any serious injuries?
B: A couple of broken bones.Nothing fatal.
(Cool, thanks for being specific Dick Meat.)

J: What about the racer who landed on his head/neck while jumping out of the cereal bowl. I know for a fact that that was not scripted. He's okay right?
B: I think he was fine

J: Last question about Rad before we move on. I know that you and Bart had stunt riders, but on a normal track who do you think would win between the two of you in a real race?
B: At the time he could barely walk due to injuries, so I'd bet on me.
(Note: Bart Taylor is a professional world champion gymnast. I’m sure without that injury he would cream Bill.)

J: You’re an actor, fake bmx rider, comedian, an expert on weapons and jungle warfare, and now I
learn that you a musician! What can't you not do?
B: I'm not sure.
(I know what you can’t do and that’s give good answers to my awesome questions!)

J: You played a role in Astronaut Farmer. Do you feel that you will be playing in mainstream films in the future?
B: I worked recently on BROTHERS with Tobey Maguire and Jake Gyllanhal and MY ONE AND ONLY with Renee Zelwegger

(Good one name dropper. Never heard of these movies. Did they go straight to DVD?)

J: What's next for Bill Allen?
B: sleep.

(note: Well it definitely isn’t another rad film!...Get it.)

J: Anything you'd like to shout out to your fans.
B: Keep an eye out for a sequel to Rad and get the official DVD from Netflix.

(BULLSHIT BILL! You know that what you said was a lie! Rad will always be bootleg and Too Rad will
never be created! So quit trickin’ us and go watch the special features to Astronaut Farmer!)

J: By the way, do you find it sickening or admire the fact that I have watched the movie Rad over 400 times.
B: You'll be fine with a little bed rest.
(Yeh, and I’d been fine without your shitty answers too!)